I just saw a hot homeless man
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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