i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
