she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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