saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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