Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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