I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
