i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
