i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
