I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
