he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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