just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
