shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
