I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
