I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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