oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize