hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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