I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
