it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize