I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
