Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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