There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
