I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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