whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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