I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize