My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
