I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
