Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
