umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
