U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
