Moan for me like Helen Keller
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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