Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
