that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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