So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
