A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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