it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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