I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize