Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
