I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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