sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
