Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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