the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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