ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize