Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
