Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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