So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
