He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
