i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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