Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
