You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
