so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
