I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
we should paint friendship bongs
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