So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
