The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
