I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
