Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
