there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
