Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
