I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
