Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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