why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
