Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
