so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
