after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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