I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Found the puke drawer
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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