I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
