I like to think it a success when the cops are called
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
