The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
