Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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