Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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