I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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