bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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